Becoming a Mom...

I've been thinking a lot during the last week about my decision to become a Mom.  And honestly, I feel validated in that it was the best decision I've ever made.

Now I should preface this with the fact that I wasn't sure if there would ever be a Grace.  I love children and I think I'm good with children and I love having nephews.  But for awhile I didn't know if I really wanted kids.  About a year and a half ago when Jay and I first had a REAL discussion about having kids, I felt torn. I worried about doing my job with taking care of preschoolers AND having a baby, I didn't want to change the wonderful things in my life that I love, and I didn't want my relationship with Jay to change either.  At this time, we also had a lot of friends having babies (which is why a lot of Grace's little friends will be a year older than her).  And it was hard to see our friends having babies, and seeing them go through the toughest parts of having a baby and becoming parents.  In retrospect, it was humbling for us and gave us a real glimpse of how hard it might be to have a baby.  When you're trying to decide whether or not to have a baby though, it was a real buzz kill and made us put the baby idea on hold.

Fast forward a year to Spring 2011.  After our trip to Europe and visiting our fun childless friends in Germany made me question once again.  I dreamed of a life of living somewhere abroad, traveling more, fun parties, going to wineries and leaving at a moment's notice to do whatever we wanted.  Coming back from that trip was really hard.  But once real life sunk in once again, my life felt dull.  We really didn't do all those things I dreamed of, even though we didn't have kids.  And the one question I asked myself, solidified my answer.  I asked myself to picture my life 10 years, 20 years, and even 50 years down the road.  Did I picture myself with a child or two and with a growing family?  And the answer was yes.  Not only that, but I couldn't picture a life WITHOUT children.  Growing old with the kids playing in the backyard, taking my child to college, and becoming a grandparent someday?  Yes, I wanted all of those things.  Yes, life might be harder with a baby, yes we can't leave at a moment's notice, and traveling might be trickier, but I was (and am) determined to not let our lives completely revolve around our child (of course in many ways it does but we are still the same people, only more enriched by this little bundle of joy).  Our child will fit into our life in wonderful ways, and our lives don't have to be dominated by the fact that we are parents.

Of course I have to say that now I truly believe this was the best decision I've ever made, and the best thing I've ever done with my life.  This 13-pound bald miracle has transformed our lives in wonderful (albeit stinky) ways and I wouldn't change it for the world.  Of course now I wonder why I ever doubted whether I wanted to have a baby, because she is perfect, and I'm a perfect fit as a Mom, and she fits us perfectly.  Yes, life is hard.  And there were lots of days in the first couple of months that I cried and cried and wondered about my decision.  Having a baby is hard, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.  It's just the way it is and just like kids have phases, it is a phase and you get through it.  And you get some sleep, and life gets easier. :)

The long overdue birth story!

Little Miss Gracie Anna Perry was born March 9, 2012 at 10:54 a.m. weighing 7 lbs. 12 oz. and 21 in. long!

I cannot believe it's been over 3 months since she was born!  The time flies, as shown by my lack of blogging skills and the fact that I haven't even written that she was born.  Oh well.

So here's the details for those who missed them...

On Thurs. the 8th I was just finishing my Preschoolers conferences at work.  I had had to really shorten my work hours the week before Grace's birth and the week she was born due to high blood pressure, edema (swelling), and being really exhausted.  So the week she was born I was only working a few hours a day just to do conferences with Preschool parents.  On Thursday my mom had also texted me telling me that it was a full moon and asking how I felt (since a lot of women go into labor during a full moon).  I had responded to my mom that I was fine and didn't think anything was happening or would happen.  Later that day as I did my conferences in the evening, I did feel a few contraction-like twinges but wrote it off as just being Braxton Hicks.

So I finished my conferences without saying anything to anyone and continued to go and get my pedicure that I had scheduled.  Little did I know that there is an old wives tale about getting your feet rubbed and going into labor!  So two hours after my pedicure, what do you know?  More contractions started!  They were only 10 min. apart to start and I really thought they were going to go away (like the Braxton Hicks I had had before).  Well, I laid down, took some Tylenol, and tried to rest to see if they would go away.  Once I realized they weren't really going away, I called Jay and told him to pick up some Arby's so that I could eat something since I hadn't eaten dinner and was having some contractions.  I also called the hospital and they told me to monitor my contractions and to come in once they were about 4-5 min. apart and I couldn't walk or talk through them.

So we ate Arby's, I took a bath, and we counted contractions.  Once I started feeling them more, we made our way to the hospital.  I called Methodist and told them we were on our way now.  Well, much to our surprise, Methodist told us they were closed, because the hospital was full and they had admitted 43 people to the hospital only in that day.  They told us we'd have to go to Maple Grove.  Well, note to the wise: do not tell a pregnant woman having contractions on her way to the hospital that she has to go to an unknown hospital to have her baby.  Jay made a drastic turn north and we headed to Maple Grove.  The triage nurse from Methodist called us back and told us that Maple Grove was also closed.  All I could think was: get this woman to a hospital NOW!  So the nurse at Methodist told us they'd have to re-open and to come back to Methodist.  Another highly dangerous drastic turn again towards the south, and we were on our way!

I'll leave most of the grisly details out, but things moved slowly until the nurse broke my water and then everything went FAST.  There are many things I care not to remember about my labor, but I know it was probably the hardest thing I've ever done, and the most wonderful.  And I felt so proud of myself for the 4.5 hours of pushing despite my raging fever, nausea, and sweats.  Once Grace was born, she was taken to the NICU for monitoring, fluids, and antibiotics due to suspected chorioamnionitis (an infection that affects me and baby during birth).

Bringing a child into the world was glorifying and the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.  It's truly indescribable, but when I saw that beautiful child I'd been waiting for my whole life, I knew it was all worth it.  Love at first sight!